Truly blessed...

Yes, I feel I am truly blessed. For those who know me and have known me for any length of time have definitely seen a major transformation in me over the last year and a half. My life as a child was to say the least, less than....desirable. My mother to this very day will tell you that she has absolutely no maternal instincts whatsoever. There is a whole series of personally damaging events that took place all the way into my early adulthood. The details of which I will spare you here. But, I am unique in my dealings with things such as these. I don't look back at these events with a hardened heart, no, what good would that do. I have forgiven all the things that were ever done wrong to me, by my mother, father, friends, 1st husband, other family members...I see no point in carrying a grudge for anyone. I feel as though everything in my life I have ever been through has made me exactly who I am today. Though I am no perfect model of humanity, not by a long shot actually, I do like who I am...I am comfortable in my own skin. Because of my experiences, I am a better friend, better mother, better wife, in general a better person. My life today is a culmination of everything decision I have ever made in my life and my life is a close to perfect as you can get, in my opinion anyways. It wasn't too long ago that I accepted Jesus into my heart...that was a dramatic turning point for me. I used to be a very....hmmm....lets just say rough around the edges type of person. I said exactly what I thought, whether it was nice or not, I pulled no punches and really didn't care if it hurt your feelings. I have always been an honest person so for me....I was just being honest right? Well, the problem was that I had a tendency to interject my opinion even if it wasn't asked of me. I was also very judgmental, if a person told a lie, and I knew it was a lie or if they did anything that to me seemed dishonest or immoral, I would at that point "wash my hands" with that person. If you know me, you know what I am talking about. I wanted nothing to do with someone who didn't have the same high standards of people that I did and lived by those same standards. I know now that it isn't my place to judge them, it is only my place to love them....even if I don't like them very much. I am still a work in progress and can't say that I am always non judgmental or un-opinionated, but I have changed a lot. I used to, I suppose because of the past I have lived, find it very hard to be trusting or vulnerable at all. I realize now that as a woman I need to be vulnerable....it's part of my femininity. God made me a woman and I wasn't built to be tough like a man, though in the past I felt that much more comfortable. I built a wall and refused to let anyone in, I know you probably have too...seems that is the mainstream attitude today with people. I build a wall and no one can hurt me. What I have learned is that if you build that wall, not only have you blocked everyone out, you have trapped yourself inside. That is no life for anyone, we are designed to be in relationships with other people. friendships, loveships, familyships, aquaintancships....we as human beings need other people and other people need us. The first words God speaks about humanity was "It's not good for man to be alone" Gen 2:18. To me that in 8 words sums it all up. People try so hard to isolate themselves so as to save themselves from heartache and in so doing anchors his own demise. Every day I make it a point to spend time on my spiritual growth and my personal growth. I feel that if you ever stop growing, you surely should be dead. As they say "it's what you learn after you already know it all that counts". Today I live a life of contentment and full satisfaction, I have a husband who adores me as I do him, children who are a true blessing to my life, friends who I would do anything for whether or not they would return those feelings, and a God that I owe everything to. But this life is a result of decisions I have made and I am proud of it! I wish the way I feel on everyone, so few can say they are totally fulfilled but everyone should be able to! The person I used to be, the person you used to know has grown and matured. It hasn't been an easy road to travel, but it certainly has been educational and I wouldn't do anything different even if I could. I have always been set in my ways, felt how I felt and would not change for anyone...I am different now and I am proud...again as they say...success is the ability to, at any given moment, be able to sacrifice who you are for who you could become! Okay, I will stop babbling on...sometime I just feel the need to ramble hehehe, but of course, if you know me, you know that too