Truly blessed...

Yes, I feel I am truly blessed. For those who know me and have known me for any length of time have definitely seen a major transformation in me over the last year and a half. My life as a child was to say the least, less than....desirable. My mother to this very day will tell you that she has absolutely no maternal instincts whatsoever. There is a whole series of personally damaging events that took place all the way into my early adulthood. The details of which I will spare you here. But, I am unique in my dealings with things such as these. I don't look back at these events with a hardened heart, no, what good would that do. I have forgiven all the things that were ever done wrong to me, by my mother, father, friends, 1st husband, other family members...I see no point in carrying a grudge for anyone. I feel as though everything in my life I have ever been through has made me exactly who I am today. Though I am no perfect model of humanity, not by a long shot actually, I do like who I am...I am comfortable in my own skin. Because of my experiences, I am a better friend, better mother, better wife, in general a better person. My life today is a culmination of everything decision I have ever made in my life and my life is a close to perfect as you can get, in my opinion anyways. It wasn't too long ago that I accepted Jesus into my heart...that was a dramatic turning point for me. I used to be a very....hmmm....lets just say rough around the edges type of person. I said exactly what I thought, whether it was nice or not, I pulled no punches and really didn't care if it hurt your feelings. I have always been an honest person so for me....I was just being honest right? Well, the problem was that I had a tendency to interject my opinion even if it wasn't asked of me. I was also very judgmental, if a person told a lie, and I knew it was a lie or if they did anything that to me seemed dishonest or immoral, I would at that point "wash my hands" with that person. If you know me, you know what I am talking about. I wanted nothing to do with someone who didn't have the same high standards of people that I did and lived by those same standards. I know now that it isn't my place to judge them, it is only my place to love them....even if I don't like them very much. I am still a work in progress and can't say that I am always non judgmental or un-opinionated, but I have changed a lot. I used to, I suppose because of the past I have lived, find it very hard to be trusting or vulnerable at all. I realize now that as a woman I need to be vulnerable....it's part of my femininity. God made me a woman and I wasn't built to be tough like a man, though in the past I felt that much more comfortable. I built a wall and refused to let anyone in, I know you probably have too...seems that is the mainstream attitude today with people. I build a wall and no one can hurt me. What I have learned is that if you build that wall, not only have you blocked everyone out, you have trapped yourself inside. That is no life for anyone, we are designed to be in relationships with other people. friendships, loveships, familyships, aquaintancships....we as human beings need other people and other people need us. The first words God speaks about humanity was "It's not good for man to be alone" Gen 2:18. To me that in 8 words sums it all up. People try so hard to isolate themselves so as to save themselves from heartache and in so doing anchors his own demise. Every day I make it a point to spend time on my spiritual growth and my personal growth. I feel that if you ever stop growing, you surely should be dead. As they say "it's what you learn after you already know it all that counts". Today I live a life of contentment and full satisfaction, I have a husband who adores me as I do him, children who are a true blessing to my life, friends who I would do anything for whether or not they would return those feelings, and a God that I owe everything to. But this life is a result of decisions I have made and I am proud of it! I wish the way I feel on everyone, so few can say they are totally fulfilled but everyone should be able to! The person I used to be, the person you used to know has grown and matured. It hasn't been an easy road to travel, but it certainly has been educational and I wouldn't do anything different even if I could. I have always been set in my ways, felt how I felt and would not change for anyone...I am different now and I am proud...again as they say...success is the ability to, at any given moment, be able to sacrifice who you are for who you could become! Okay, I will stop babbling on...sometime I just feel the need to ramble hehehe, but of course, if you know me, you know that too

Amusing to me...

Hmmm...Well it has been made known to me that one can never really fully trust too many people. Those who say they are your friends will ultimately betray you one way or another. You know...most people who know me know that I would give the shirt off my back to anyone who needed it. I find it funny how you could do so much for someone and they can so soon forget. They will run you down in the ground, they will talk about you behind your back as though you were no better than the dog poop you wipe off your feet before going into your house. What is the amazing thing really is that for some reason, I am never surprised at how often this has happened...especially to me. What does always surprise me is that of all the times I have been used...and believe me it has been a lot...not a single one of the people will have ever had the courage to tell me to my face exactly what they really feel about me. I have become quite calloused when it comes to this so it does not affect me anymore as it once did. I know that I have a responsibility to treat everyone a certain way...thought I don't always like it nor do a always agree...it is what the Lord says is right. Any who...the point of this being...and I don't know about you but, if I didn't care for someone or I thought poorly of someone and would much rather not be around them...then there would be no way that I could ever continue a relationship with that person. Here is what I have found...these certain types of people that I am talking about...though I know for a fact that they do not care for me (which as I already mentioned is fine by me) are the types that ONLY call when they NEED something. That's it...I mean doesn't that seem wrong to you? I mean if I had said some of the things that I know these people have said about me I would not have the audacity to call them up because I needed something...I surely would have to call up someone else...wouldn't you? I have decided that those who are doing poorly usually have several things in common. The main thing being that they are negative all the time...there is no possible way that they could ever see the glass as half full...and secondly...their situation is NEVER their own fault. They are victims of whatever situation has fallen upon them. It would never occur to one of these people that their lives or their situation or their marriage or whatever could be the direct result of the decisions THEY THEMSELVES HAVE MADE. Of course because to say that would mean that they would have no one else to blame for what is going on except themselves. As I have seen it...there are very few people who would actually stand up and act like an adult and accept that maybe they had not made the best decisions in their life. If they did that then they would have to enact some sort of change to make their lives better because of course none of us want to be dubbed a failure right. Do you know the definition of insanity?? It is doing the same thing over and over the same way every time and expecting different results!! Ahh well if it weren't for the bad times in our lives we would have no idea of what good is would we? I feel sorry for the sort of people I am talking about in that I know that they will always and forever be in the same rut they are in now. The saddest part of all of this is that they will forever be unhappy, they will always be a victim of this and a victim of that, and because they can never see past their own noses they will never amount to much. I am fortunate to be surrounded by very positive people and I am sure that has a lot to do with why I see things so differently than others. I know that I will NEVER be a victim of any certain circumstance but a student of life's lessons. I have no regrets in my life as I have learned something valuable in most everything I have ever been through. I believe that we grow from ALL the happenings in our life and it molds us into what we are today...I don't know about you but I like who I am and am not sorry for all the things that have made me this way. I suppose I am done rambling now. I'm not even sure why I felt compelled to write this other than the fact that I was thinking of certain people and it amused me so how they are always the same, always predictable in their dealings with me.

A quick note...

Just a quick note...I know we have all heard the saying live life to the fullest. So many people seem to be alive but not living. I really believe that every person should live the moment. There is another saying that says "yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why they call it the present" I don't think people should live their life is "safe mode". You should take each moment as it comes and embrace it fully. None of us are born with any guarantees. The sad thing is that we all come with an expiration date...and none of knows when that date is. It is because of this that I feel no one should live life in "safe mode"...why...just to arrive at death safely? Think of all the things that we all overlook on a daily basis. A fresh flower in bloom, the song of a bird through your window, the fact that your car keys were right where you left them, the excitement of your other half on their way home. It's the little things in life that make us the happiest. I mean when your other half presents you with the smallest trinket just for no reason. The smell of fresh baked cookies. The thought of a nice warm bath. These are the things that if you asked 100 people, 99% of them would agree make them feel the happiest, the most content. By the same token, it always seem to be the little things that drive relationships apart...I have learned to pick my battles... every time I feel as though I am being treated unfairly I have to ask myself...can I change what is going on that is making me mad or upset? Is what's going on going to matter one year from today? If the answer to either of these questions is no...then I don't worry about it...I just let it go...life is too short and I have more important things to do...like watch the sunset and snuggle with my hunni.

How will you be remembered?

There will be two dates on your tombstone
And all your friends will read 'em
But all that's gonna matter
is that little dash between 'em.

Your life is just a line between two dates. What will you be remembered for?

Food for thought...

Food for thought: Matthew 12:35-37

"A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things. But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned."

The verse preceding this text says "For whatever is in your heart determines what you say." Your speech mirrors the condition of your heart. Your heart represents your innermost thoughts, desires, and emotions. If your heart is filled with bitterness, your speech will be tainted by it. If it is filled with the love of God, your words will also express that love. If we take seriously Jesus' warning about being held accountable for our idle words, then we should not only weigh our words, but we should also examine our hearts - the source of our speech. Here is a good rule to apply before you speak: THINK

T---Is it T rue?
H--Is it H elpful?
I---Is it I nspiring?
N--Is it N ecessary?
K--Is it K ind?

If the content of what you want to say doesn't pass this test, you really do not need to say it. Otherwise, you will have to give an explanation when you stand before the Lord.

New Years Cheer

At the sound of the tolling midnight bell
a brand new year will begin.
Let's raise our hopes in a confidant toast,
to the promise it ushers in.

May your battles be few, your pleasure many,
your wishes and dreams fulfilled.
May your confidence stand in the face of loss
and give you the strength to rebuild.

May peace of heart fill all your days
may serenity grace your soul.
May tranquil moments bless your life
and keep your spirit whole.

Maybe it's just me...

I would rather live my life believing there is a God, then die and find out there isn't, than to live my life believing there isn't a God, then die and find out there is!!!